


Listen With Your Heart, You Will Understand

by ZombiePact



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-27
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-19 03:59:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombiePact/pseuds/ZombiePact
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is stripped of his grace and left with nothing but his memories of his life before. Dean's memories of Cas have been wiped from his mind. Cas is heartbroken and puts himself in danger. Dean saves him. Can Cas get things back to the way they were?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

It wasn't the first time this had happened. Wasn't the first time that Cas had looked into Dean's eyes and got lost for who knows how long. It was how things had been from the very beginning and how they had continued to be throughout their time by one another's side.

Cas had always felt that they shared a more profound bond, but recently it had been turning into more. Every look a little longer, every silence a little more comfortable, every accidental touch increasing in frequency until there was no way all of them could have been accidents.

But that was before he lost his grace and became human. That was back when it was a reality and not just a dream that he had every time he closed his eyes. Before he was lost with no inkling of how to find his way back. And before Dean's memory had been wiped clean of him.

Before there had never been any questions. Dean had been his answer. Dean was absolute. But now that was gone.

Cas felt as though nothing now tethered him to this earth, except for gravity's newfound attachment to him. Dean had been his gravity and his one connection to humanity. Now he felt all the horrible things that that entailed and couldn't float away or escape no matter how hard he tried.

Now everything was a question and there were no answers or absolutes. There was only a void.

Dean was off living like he always had before Cas. The only absolutes that he had or needed were the hunt, the Impala, and Sam. Cas wasn't even a memory to him. Not even a passing thought in his mind. If they passed on the street Dean probably wouldn't even look twice or take notice. And if that happened it would shatter Cas' already cracked and battered heart.

Now Castiel was forced to wander on as he tried to forget the man who had no idea he existed. He was left to wonder about the what-ifs and what now never can be. There is an ache in his heart that only one person could fill. And that person has no idea of the hold he has on another's heart and soul.


	2. Barely Even Human

Three Months Ago

It was normal. Everything about it screamed that it was a typical hunt. Dean and Sam had been doing research for the last few days trying to figure out all they could about the demons and trying to pinpoint their exact location. They were a few hours into it for the day when Castiel finally decided to drop in and see how they were doing.

He could tell that the boys had heard the telltale sign of his arrival. The soft sound of his flapping wings was the only thing that alerted the boys to his presence in the room. As he entered the room, neither of them jumped. Sam merely flinched slightly. He could tell they were getting used to his recurring pop-ins.

Cas stood in the corner patiently and just stared at Dean. Dean whose broad shoulders tensed and relaxed as he leafed through the multitude of books scattered across the table.

He knew Dean didn't like doing research at all. He'd rather be out there fighting the good fight instead of just reading about it, but they needed all of the answers that they could get. There was no way of knowing how to deal with the situation until they found out exactly what they were dealing with.

Sure they knew it was a demon, but how many would there be? Was it a specific one that all the signs were pointing to? The boys didn't know and that is why the research was occurring.

Finally after hours of skimming and gathering information, Sam decided to go out and get some food. Sam knew what Dean wanted of course. He knew he'd want the juiciest and most artery clogging burger on the menu. Sam would get something healthier, maybe a salad; there was no reason why both of them had to kill themselves with their food.

"Want anything, Cas?" Sam asked even though he knew what the answer would be.

"I do not require food or any type of sustenance," replied Cas in his deep, gravelly voice, "but thank you for asking." Sam always asked. Sam was considerate.

Dean would never ask. Dean knew he didn't eat and therefore would never ask if he wanted anything. He didn't mess around asking unnecessary questions. But that was just how Dean was and Cas knew that.

He and Dean were very much the same in that sense. Cas usually never bothered to be as considerate as Sam was. He didn't know why Sam even tried, but he guesses it's the thought that counts. At least that is he keeps hearing in the TV shows and movies that Sam and Dean leave on for background noise.

Sam answered him with a short nod, grabbed the keys to the Impala, and left the room. Once they were alone, Dean got a little antsy.

"So, uh, don't you ever get tired of just standing in the corner of the room and looking around? Don't you have other things you would rather be doing?" Dean questioned presumably only to have something to talk about. Castiel didn't know why he always did it. It's not like the silences were that uncomfortable, or at least they weren't for Cas.

He enjoyed the silence. He enjoyed being able to just be in Dean's presence with no words to murky the waters, but apparently Dean did not feel the same way. He enjoyed the meaningful stares they had shared, the accidental touches, all of it. And all of it could occur even when nothing was being said. Words could never be enough so he preferred not to use them when the situation didn't call for it.

The angel never knew where he stood with Dean. There were times when he thought he knew. When he thought he could tell. When they stared at each other he thought he could see the emotions flare in Dean's eyes. He thought the whole more profound bond thing would have been enough for Dean to know how he felt.

Cas had never been human and was therefore unfamiliar with all of these new emotions that seemed to be flooding through him. He couldn't ask Dean about it. There was no way that any solid answer would be given to him.

And he was never alone in the room with Sam so asking him had never been an option, plus there was no way he was going to ask for relationship advice from his interest's younger brother. He would just have to figure it out on his own.

Plus if any word of this got back to his superiors back in Heaven, he didn't know what he would do. Falling for one's charge was strictly forbidden. It went against the whole no free will thing that angels were engrained with.

Cas had been falling for a while, probably since the moment he met Dean. He didn't need the final nail in his coffin, but he couldn't help the way he felt. There was no way he could deny it. What he felt for Dean far surpassed anything that he had ever felt before. He could tell it wasn't just some ordinary no meaning thing. Cas knew it was real, he knew it was deep, and he was sure it was love.

"No Dean I do not tire of standing here. It is merely enough to -," Cas cut himself off and tried to formulate something to say that didn't end with him seeming like a stalker. "Is there any new findings on the hunt?" was what came out of his mouth instead. It wasn't the most articulate thing he had ever said, but Dean didn't question it.

He had only asked to draw attention away from the fact that he didn't know what he would say. No, I don't mind just standing here staring at you. No I really shouldn't want to, but I will. I am in love with you and fear telling you due to the fear that you do not feel the same way. I only stand in silence because I can't find the right words to say. Yes, those things would have gone over so well with Dean.

Dean, who always had to assert his masculinity and who always seemed to deem it necessary to make sure people were aware of his heterosexuality. Cas didn't understand why it was so hard for Dean to ever even admit that there were other possibilities and that there could be other options for him. But it wasn't Cas' place to question it.

"All the signs are pointing to some decrepit old warehouse. Couldn't these demons ever be a little more original? They are always choosing these fucking places that are smack dab in the middle of nowhere and completely run down and shitty. I mean could they be any more typical. You know just once I would love it if they could choose some place nicer where I am more afraid of the demons than I am of getting tetanus," Dean ranted with his usual amount of sarcasm.

"I am sorry that the demons are not more considerate of your needs," Cas responded not knowing what else to say.

"It was a joke Cas. I realize that demons get off on this whole let's be the scum of the earth shit or whatever."

"Of course Dean. Of course. I knew that," Cas replied even though he didn't. He didn't usually get Dean's jokes or sarcasm. It wasn't a skill he had managed to perfect yet, but he tried.

"We are planning on heading out tonight. Calling up Bobby and meeting at the warehouse. Shouldn't be too hard these demons don't seem like the sharpest tools in the shed," Dean said dismissively as though this ended their conversation. Cas decided it would be best if he left for a while even though he longed to stay.

"I must be off Dean. I shall meet you at the warehouse tonight." And with one last stare he was off.

Later that night, Bobby, Sam, Dean, and Castiel all surrounded the old broken down building hoping to find a way in that didn't completely alert the demons to their presence. Cas and Dean took the back while Sam and Bobby each took a side. They were hoping to find some door or window that they could climb through. Going through the front door was too obvious.

Castiel could have zapped them in, but Dean was insistent that they not use that method of entry.

"Don't want to surprise the demons too much. They might try to kill us," Dean joked even though his face portrayed nothing but seriousness. After a few minutes lost in a pointed stare off Cas finally complied. He had long since come to terms with the fact that he would probably give Dean anything that he wanted. With him Dean would always win.

As it turns out there was a back door to go through and with a little jimmying of the lock they were inside. They entered in to find a dimly lit room filled with boxes. There was no sign of anyone in the room, but the group still entered with extreme caution. Surprise attacks were never out of the question for demons or any type of supernatural creature for that matter.

They spread out across the room and were suddenly were all stuck unable to move. They could all only watch as Meg and three of her demon cronies stepped out from behind some rather large stacks of boxes. Casually she lit a match and tossed it in Cas' direction. A ring of holy fire rose up around him effectively trapping him in the room.

"Hey boys, nice to see you again," Meg said leering at them all with a satisfied smirk on her face.

"Meg." She turned to Dean who had addressed her. "How do you keep coming back? You are like demon herpes. Can't ever seem to get rid of you no matter how hard we try. Don't you ever get tired of us sending you back to hell?" He questioned using his patented method of trying to joke the situation away.

"You know Dean; someday that mouth of yours is going to get you into trouble."

Dean opened his mouth to respond, but Cas cut him off.

"What do you want Meg? If you're plan is to kill us you have us right where you want us. What are you waiting for?" Castiel questioned voice more rough than it usually was and also more unsure than he usually sounded. If she wanted them dead it wasn't like they could escape, so why hadn't she done anything yet?

"I just want you, my poor little trapped angel. I am going to be rewarded big time for hand delivering you to him."

"Hand delivering me to whom? Who would want me?" Meg's smile just grew. She was enjoying this he could tell.

"Well obviously not Dean," she laughed out in response purposely not answering the first question he asked. The hurt he felt at the jab flashed across Cas' eyes and Meg jumped on it. "Come on Clarence only an idiot, and Dean of course, isn't able to see it. It's not like you are exactly subtle. Following him around like some lost little puppy. It's quite pathetic really. There is nothing more delicious than unrequited love. Falling from grace with a bang and all for nothing."

Cas looked over at Dean who was staring at him with his mouth open. As soon as he saw Cas' gaze he shifted his focus to the ground. Cas' was sure that the pain of this obvious rejection would break him into pieces. He had never truly considered what would happen if Dean ever found out about his feelings for him, but when he had entertained the idea it never ended like this.

"I have no idea what you are talking about. And you never answered my first question, Meg." He pushed away his pain enough to address the demon once again in the most menacing voice he could muster.

"Is that anyway to talk to someone trying to help you out? I am just giving you a reality check. And as for your question I am not just forgetting about it I am just refusing to answer. I find it rather enjoyable to watch you suffer," Meg sneered at Castiel. "I so wish I could just kill you, but my 'employer' wouldn't be too happy about that. My ass is on the line here and he wants you alive and kicking to go through what he has planned for you."

"And what does he have planned for me?" Cas questioned unsure if he really wanted the answer. Meg circled around him and eyed him like he was a piece of meat.

"Okay, I'll bite. He wants your grace and he will do whatever it takes to get it. But he wants to give you a choice. So my question is do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?" She got as close to the flames as she dared to go and taunted him with the question.

"What's the difference?'

"The easy way is that you willingly give up your grace and the hard way is that he takes your grace anyway and kills you all." Cas is about to respond when Meg continues. "Ah, ah, ah. You haven't even heard the best part. If you willingly give him your grace everyone gets to live, even you. You want them to be safe don't you, especially Dean."

She leaned a little closer and whispered the next part, "The only catch is that none of them will remember you, but you will always remember. Their lives will go back to the way they were and they will never have to remember that a corrupted little angel once graced their presence. You know what you are going to pick so just do it already. You are too predictable not to."

"Cas, think about this man. Don't give up your grace for us. We're not worth it. Go out fighting. Please," Dean said quickly from where he stood in the room. Cas flinched almost imperceptibly. He had almost forgotten that anyone else was in the room. But when he looked at Dean he knew what his answer would be.

"You have always been worth it and I can't watch you die when I could have done something to stop it," he declared and turned back to Meg. "I have made my decision. Take my grace and let them go."

"Perfect!" Meg exclaimed as she clapped her hands together.

The next thing Castiel felt was pain, the type of pain that any normal person would probably die from. He heard Dean cry out his name as a bright light surrounded him and then it all went black.


End file.
